you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I did not marry a roomba.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
