i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
