I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
