FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
