No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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