I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
