I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
