So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
