New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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