I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We need to get me chipped asap
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
