mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
