If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You can't just leave with hair like that
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
