You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
