She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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