I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
