I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
