I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
