boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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