Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
