Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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