you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
