if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
