I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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