Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
