did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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