With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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