i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
