I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We are all done wearing pants today
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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