omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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