I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
