There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
