I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i will never coherently bang her
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
