Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
