I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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