They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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