he thought i was a dude.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
