Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
