Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
