I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sorry about my life...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
