so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
