just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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