I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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