smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
