She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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