is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
