Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
