he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
