If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
