been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
