Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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